Usha Shukla

When my mother passed two days ago it was as if time had quietly shut a door irrevocably on an era where respect, quiet dignity, tradition, fortitude, loyalty, hard work and resilience mattered more than anything else, because she embodied all these qualities of a gentler time.

Born as the eldest daughter of eight siblings in a sprawling home surrounded by mango orchards, fruit trees, fields and wells, she took her role very seriously. Azamgarh was a small town and when this gorgeous baby grew up ( she was an unbelievably gorgeous beauty ) she was sent to Allahabad University to complete her bachelor’s degree and as was de rigueur in those times, a handsome groom, my father, Col. B.C. Shukla, was found for her and she was married at the age of 19 and by the time she was 20, 24, 29, had fulfilled her duty to family and society, by bearing three children, two girls and a boy.

Being traditional and culturally sensitive mattered to her so we were brought up listening to stories from the Ramayana, sitting on the table as a family, celebrating each and every festival in exactly the same way with the same menu, going on family vacations.  Many trips, in fact , many vacations were spent in our grandparent’s home in Azamgarh which was as idyllic as any vacation one can have as children. She was an army officer’s wife so army clubs and the library at Gymkhana club became our second home. That was her way of keeping us grounded.

The one single focus of our mother that defined our childhood was education. No matter what, you must keep studying and work hard to get good grades. She was a shining example for at the age of 36, when all her children were able to look after themselves, she enrolled in a college and got a degree in the bachelor of education department and went on to teach in various Central Schools, wherever my father happened to be posted. She believed that women should be financially independent, not only for their self respect but to help shoulder her partner’s burden.

I heard she was a very strict but good teacher and also very popular, famously known as Shukla mam whose collection of beautiful saris  kept the staff and students eagerly waiting for her to show up the next day. And she did look gorgeous draped in her traditional attire.

But being traditional did not mean that she was averse to modernity. She not only took to modern attire but modern ideas and modern thoughts as we made our frequent trips to the U.S., first as visitors and later as immigrants. As she said, dressed in a smart pair of pants and jacket from Macy’s, “ Do in Rome as the Romans do !” She was practical that way.

Her fighting spirit is the stuff legends are made of. She dealt with her husband’s loss of job, cancer, her own multiple ailments, cancer, stroke and all the stuff life throws at you with quiet determination, practical solutions, and a ‘never say die’ spirit. In the face of such resolution and fortitude, even life bowed to her will as she determinedly forged ahead.

In her journey as a wife, mother, teacher she made many friends, all of who were very loyal to her. Many of her friends have been with her for more than six decades. She had a vibrant and vivacious personality and naturally people are drawn to such people but what keeps them glued to you is when you know how to keep boundaries, how much to give, how much to withhold. She embodied Robert Frost’s poem, “ Good fences make good neighbors.”

The other glue that kept her friends sticking to her was her fondness for, ‘bridge.’ When she was very young my mother took stock of her surroundings and realized that old folks were very lonely and bored. She realized that ,”the golden years’ was a misnomer and was in reality  a ‘grey decline.’ She vowed that nothing like that would happen to her and persuaded my father to actively take up, ‘bridge’ as a hobby. And they never looked back. Evenings were moments of friends, laughter, tasty tea time snacks and sandwiches, hot cups of tea or coffee, whether it was at home or in the club. Did I mention she was practical and far- seeing?

She was practical to the extent that when I was feeling sad at the  ‘grey decline’ of retired old folks, she said, “ If old people will not retire, how will young people get jobs !” When I cajoled her to buy our festival ‘diyas’ and other knick- knacks from the shiny glass stores springing like mushrooms and not from the hawkers displaying their wares on the street, she said, “ If we don’t buy from these poor people how are they going to survive !” She often bought her nighties and sundry items from cheaper stores and hawkers so they could survive too !

So, my mother’s practicality was not only to benefit her but to help those in need too.

The reason why I, my sister, my brother and her grandchildren are the way they are is because of her direction, sound advice, practical knowledge and ideals of tradition, culture and the fighting spirit she embodied .

That was our mother, Mrs Usha Shukla, and we are blessed and grateful to have had her in our life.

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